The Universe has the Last Laugh

Remember at the beginning of this blog I said I wanted to sort out what in my life had to go? The universe was listening. So on 7/7 it said, "Whssht. The job is the thing to go." I was fired. "Things aren't working out." Fat severence check. "Oh, by the way, write up a report of where things stand so the next person will be able to take over easily." And on my way out of the boss' office, "Oh, and thank you for all you HAVE done." I couldn't muster a reply. It crossed my mind to do a bit of sabatoge. wipe out some scheduling records, maybe for the entire month of July. But instead I called each of my employees and told them what had happened, and that I appreciated their work with our clients.

For several days I felt "irrational exuberance" -- then one of the office people called asking about the status of a particular case, and boom, I started crashing. I got so ANGRY, mostly with Frank unfortunately, but then grief for me has always contained equal amounts of fatigue, sadness and irritability. Talking with Frank I figured out it isn't the actual job, the reality of it that I'm grieving for -- it's being told in essence, "You didn't learn fast enough. Now your chance is over."

Ironically I felt like I really was getting the hang of it. The venting here actually helped. I got back on good terms with the bi-polar client, the word just hadn't reached my boss.

Now I've applied for unemployment, Frank and I went to the City last weekend with his mom and nepehew, did the frantic tourist thing, and now I'm logged in from a cafe in San Rafael, near where we're house-sitting till Monday.

I was already contacted by someone from one of my old gigs and asked to come back. Too bad it's only a few hours a week at half of what I was making as a supervisor...

After that, I plan to get some "healing time" in every day, going to the ocean mostly, trying to quiet the buzzing in my head.
Then Frank and I are starting in on a business venture together. More on that soon.